Finding the Words
by Dis-Moi
Summary: This story picks up at the end of Series 3, Episode 3, and provides an alternate ending. I've often said I wished the owners of LTIH would take a page from A Place to Call Home and give this episode an alternative ending to keep the series going with Kate central to it all. This is my attempt to do just that.
1. Chapter 1--Pieces

Despite the lateness of the hour, Caroline sat at the kitchen counter considering the drink before her. Brandy. Neat. Hopefully bracing. Hopefully large enough to fully numb the pain. But she doubted it. She wasn't even sure the rest of the bottle would do but there was no way she could test that theory. She needed to be able to answer the phone if the hospital called. More importantly, she needed to able to drive back to the hospital if Kate…needed her.

She glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was almost midnight and she was in need of sleep but she didn't think she could turn her brain off. It had been more of a roller coaster of a day than she realized and yet she knew tomorrow would be worse.

Swirling the brandy in the snifter, Caroline didn't know what to feel first. She was vacillating between agonizing denial and paralyzing fear. Humming along under the surface was a pervasive sadness she suspected would never leave. It started when her world ripped apart behind the door with Dr. Malik. She didn't even recognize that the piercing wail heard throughout the hospital wing had escaped from her own lips when he delivered the news that their baby hadnt survived despite all their efforts. He softened the blow by telling her Kate would be fine, but Caroline knew her new wife wouldn't handle the loss of another baby well.

As she recalled his exact words, she downed the brandy in one go, wincing at the liquid heat hitting the back of her throat. She coughed involuntarily as she struggled for breath, just like she did when she collapsed in her mother's arms earlier.

With her crumpled sleeve, she wiped the tears that began falling again as she stood to go in search of a tissue box. This wasn't how she envisioned spending their first full day of marriage; it was supposed to be just the two of them, wrapped in a cocoon of love, finishing the nursery and preparing for the birth of their daughter. These were supposed to be the happy, easy days. Instead, they would now need to make their baby's final arrangements. How it all went to shit so fast was more than Caroline could comprehend.

She knew Kate was too groggy from the anesthetic to fully comprehend what had happened before she drifted back off to sleep. Caroline wished she too had an IV drip of the same pain meds to help her through what was going to be a long night as the reality of it all was fully hitting her now that she was finally alone with her thoughts. She was relieved Celia finally relented and headed back to the granny flat. She needed the solitude to think, or rather to try to not think.

"Fuuuuck," she said aloud as she sat back down, clutching a couple of fresh tissues. Usually swearing made her feel better, but not on this night. She reached for the bottle and uncorked it for the second time in minutes, feeling every drop of what she'd just imbibed reaching her extremities and wanting more of the same. Needing more of the same. As she refilled her glass, it hit her that she had to let Beverley and Gavin know she was going to be out on an immediate leave rather than a just the anticipated parental leave.

"Fuuuuck," escaped her lips again, but louder this time as she slammed down another measure of brandy. Leaving the glass and brandy bottle abandoned on the counter, she grabbed her phone and headed to bed. She wasn't fully cognizant of her steps until she reached the open door of the nursery. "Fuuuuck," she said aloud as she pulled the door closed, unable to look in. When she reached her bedroom, she grabbed the box of tissues from the dresser and collapsed on top of the bed covers. Her plan was to cry herself to sleep, if sleep would come at all.

* * *

Miles away, at a weathered kitchen table in Halifax, Gillian was pouring herself a second brandy as Robbie watched from the seat across the table from her. "Slow down there, Gillian," he cautioned. "You know what brandy does to you."

"I just can't get that sound out of my ears," she said as she set the bottle down, having capitulated and only poured half as much as she had wanted. "I've never heard anything quite like it; Caroline crying out. It was like an irreparable tear in the universe," she said taking a big swig. "We feared it was Kate but when we learned it was the baby, all I could think about was how she predicted that if Kate got pregnant it would only end in tears and sadness. I felt so helpless watching her struggle to compose herself before she went to see Kate in recovery."

"I can't believe Gary hung in there with you all that time. He must have felt like a tit on a bull." He stood to put the brandy bottle back in the cabinet, figuring if it were out of sight Gillian would not pour herself another. He'd had enough wine at dinner and didn't join her.

"It was a hell of a way for him to meet Celia's family. Always dinner and a show here," she said as she raised her glass as if toasting before bringing it to her lips for another swallow. "How long until his wife left?"

"She called for her driver almost as soon as you set off. I think she was afraid she'd have to help with the dishes if she stayed." Gillian wasn't surprised as she pegged her as a snotty bitch as she droned on about her father, the magistrate. Saddened by seeing a different side to her than she did that first night, Gillian was relieved Gary still seemed the same.

"Gary was great. He got on the phone and set the wheels in motion with the funeral home as Caroline was just too stunned and didn't want to make any decisions without Kate; the bloody hospital kept pushing. I heard him tell the guy he wanted the bill for whatever they decided to do when Kate is finally up to making decisions. I wasn't meant to hear that, and I'm sure Caroline won't stand for it, but it was very kind of him."

"How does one even begin to plan for their baby's funeral?" Robbie yawned without trying to hide it or bothering to cover his mouth. "Come on, let's turn in. I need some sleep so I can tend the sheep for you tomorrow. That way you can go help Caroline if she needs you."

* * *

The sound of an incoming text pinging on her mobile woke Caroline. For just a minute, she didn't remember all the events of the day before, but the memory instantly came crashing down on her as she reached for her mobile to see if it was Kate. When she saw the time on the phone she was angry at herself for not being up yet but was thankful Gillian was an early riser and texted when she did. In reality, she probably hadn't fallen asleep until after 4 am and it was only just after 7 am; exhausted from the lack of sleep, she had a throbbing headache.

She responded to Gillian's text that she was going to head into the hospital shortly and would appreciate her sorting out Lawrence. Gillian's drunken text from the day before was forgotten in the sad shuffle of the past 24 hours. She was grateful for Gillian, who in reality she hadn't known all that long but somehow knew that when the chips were down she'd always be there for her. She jumped out of bed at the thought of needing to be with Kate and bee-lined for the en-suite.

Caroline was relieved the hospital had Kate in the post surgical ward rather than the maternity ward. She didn't want her to see other mothers with their newborns. The pity she saw on the nurses' faces yesterday was enough of a reminder of their loss and she was hoping Kate wouldn't notice it as well. She tried to walk noiselessly into Kate's room so as not to disturb her if she was asleep, but as soon as she neared the bed, Kate's eyes blinked opened and the telltale redness of them revealed she'd been crying. An involuntary sob escaped Kate who was relieved to finally have her wife with her.

Caroline instinctively flew to her side that wasn't connected to a monitor and held her as best she could; she found herself secretly overcome with relief that Kate wanted her there that she was temporarily unable to speak. They clung to each other and cried together as countless minutes passed. It was Kate who spoke first. "Does my mum know?"

Through her sniffles, Caroline shook her head 'yes' as she released her wife. She wiped her own eyes before reaching out to catch a tear tumbling down Kate's cheek, taking care not to touch her facial bruises for fear of hurting her. Just as Caroline needed Celia yesterday, she understood how much Kate needed her own mum so she managed to place a call to her before Kate was even out of recovery. If only this hurt were a scraped knee that could be quickly healed with her mother's kiss and a colorful plaster. "She's flying over today. She was going to book the first flight she could and text Alan her arrival time. He's offered to pick her up at the airport." Kate collapsed back against her pillow, weighted down by a fresh batch of tears that began falling at the news she was coming and the thought of what she would have given for the reason to be for her to finally meet her first grandchild.

Before they could say anything further, the nurse entered the room to check Kate's vitals. She commented that Kate's numbers were looking better and imparted the news that Dr. Malik had just arrived to do his rounds and would be in shortly.

"Who is he," Kate asked her wife after the nurse retreated from the room.

"He was your primary surgeon. He might be able to give us more answers. I spoke with him briefly yesterday but I was in too much shock to ask him any coherent questions," Caroline admitted, finally giving her a little unexpected insight; Kate understandably hadn't yet focused on Caroline's time at the hospital yesterday as her memory of her own was still a bit foggy.

The senior surgeon who strolled through the door a few minutes later looked nothing like the scrub-clad medic Caroline briefly met the day before. His fresh shave and cologne were the first things Caroline noticed after his pristine white doctor's coat. He looked rested and straight-backed, not battle-weary like the day before; she hadn't expected this fresh and masterful appearance but she found it reassuring somehow.

"Ladies," he said in greeting as he moved to look at Kate's monitor. He shifted the clipboard with her chart on it to his left hand so he could press some buttons on it with his dominant right hand. Relieved to have confirmed the progress noted on her chart, he turned to fully engage their eager tear-stained faces.

"Kate, there are no words to say how sorry we all are for your loss. I assume you and your wife have questions for me and I'll try to answer them as best I can." With an understanding that the landscape of their lives was forever changed the day before, and not wanting to impart more detail than they were ready to hear, he stilled his movements and waited for their first question.

Caroline clasped Kate's unscathed left hand to help steel them both for what they were about to hear. "I was in a daze yesterday and not sure I really heard everything. Can you just start at the beginning so that we can hear it together?"

He gave a full description of it all, from the time the medics brought Kate in on the stretcher up through the caesarian section. Intentionally leaving out any detail about what happened to the baby, he focused on all the damage the forceful airbag deployment caused to Kate's body. As injuries from those went, he said she was lucky. He commented that had only a few months prior he worked on a lad who had been driving a vehicle with one of the recalled Takata airbags who died as a result of the force of the bag's deployment; it sent shrapnel flying into his body and crushed his ribs and lungs.

Stunned by that detail, yet impatient for more news about their child, Caroline almost incoherently prompted him, "but the baby. What…what about the…the baby? Was her death a direct result of the…the airbag?"

"Although you suffered some broken ribs, broken bones in your wrist and a concussion from the impact, I don't think we can classify it as such," he said gingerly. "I put the pins in your right wrist to properly reset the break. Those lacerations to your face should heal well. We had a plastic surgery consult to make sure we didn't misstep there. It may not feel like it but you're a lucky lass."

Kate hadn't yet looked in the mirror so she had no idea what she'd find staring back at her. But that was the least of her concerns as she finally added her voice to the conversation. "But what about the baby?"

"My colleague performed the caesarian. I wasn't in a position to really explain it all to Caroline yesterday because I wanted a full examination of the baby and more detail from the doctor who tended to her before discussing it with either of you at length. You see, there was a knot in the umbilical cord and it appears as though it tightened to the point it cut off the supply of everything the baby needed. He thinks it happened before the accident and that was the real cause of her death. She had no real bruising from the impact."

"My baby," Kate stammered before devolving into tears again, unable to readily process this new information.

"We think the knot had been there and it was just tightening over time. Sometimes it just happens. When it does, it's usually not discovered until it's too late and there's often nothing anyone can do. We tend to put the mother through a vaginal stillborn delivery but you were saved from that," he said in an effort to console them. "The surgeon was careful to minimize your incision and tried to cut so that if you conceive again you might be able to deliver vaginally."

It was at this point that Caroline let out a silent sigh of relief. She feared whatever aftermath she and Kate would go through if Kate couldn't get pregnant again and what it would do to their relationship. At least there was still a chance for a baby if Kate wanted one. During the blackness of the hours she struggled to find sleep the night before, she feared Kate would blame her for not wanting a child in the first place and the loss would mean the end of them just as they were beginning again. The thought of Kate being so close this time to finally being a mum was a bridge too far, especially since this senseless thing had to happen while Kate was taking care of her children.

While Caroline was lost in her thoughts, Kate and Dr. Malik discussed the last time Kate felt the baby move; she believed it was just before getting out of bed that morning. She figured the baby was just tired from all the excitement and activity of their wedding day and didn't give it a second thought. Caroline tried to quiet her growing nerves as she listened to their exchange and supportively plugged back into the conversation.

After a lot more assurances from the good doctor, he moved on to explaining the discharge plan for Kate and the follow-up care she would require. Just before taking his leave, he added, "It doesn't mean it will happen if you get pregnant again, Kate. I've known other women who have gone on to have healthy babies after a thing like this. Talk with your obstetrician about the amount of time your body needs to heal before getting pregnant if you wish to try again."

As soon as they saw his white coat swish behind him as he walked away, Kate and Caroline collapsed again into each other's arms and cried together anew; their tears saying it all as neither could find the words to speak.


	2. Chapter 2--Hold on Forever

The first few days after her discharge from hospital, Kate seemed to be in a haze of shock; she marched on with funeral arrangements as though she had the strength of Hercules despite the cast on her wrist. She secretly wished that she had lost the baby months ago when she experienced the bleed. She was angry she had the extra months to bond with the baby stirring inside her; she was angry that for the first time during a pregnancy she experienced the excitement of painting and furnishing a nursery and all the expectations that brought. But she was most angry that just as her dream of having a proper family with Caroline was finally being realised, it was ripped away without any warning.

Kate was intent on not talking about the loss like John did after Judith's miscarriage. With a stiff upper lip, she carried on until she could no longer run from her emotions that eventually started to bubble to the surface. She tried her best to mask her grief because she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her, but this led her to being depressed, withdrawn and lonely, despite Caroline's constant presence.

Kate felt brittle, as though she could break in two at any moment. She wanted to escape; she was missing the comfort and privacy of the little house she sold months ago. Her home. Part of her just wanted to be on her own there, to openly grieve without an audience.

Everything Caroline did lately, no matter how well intentioned, pissed her off and she was trying not to let it show. Most of all, she was angry that Caroline was right when she tried to dissuade her from trying for a baby. At her lowest ebb, she was especially angry with Caroline for having two children when she could not have one and despite this loss, she still wanted a child of her own.

When the need to escape overwhelmed her, she wanted nothing more than to drive for cup of tea at the little shop near her old house but she wasn't able to drive because of the cast. Trapped. In addition to anger, she felt trapped and dependent on Caroline and that scared her because of her wife's prior reticence to live openly. At the heart of it all, Kate was fearful that Caroline's new-found courage would be fleeting without the baby to help bind them together.

After a couple of weeks, Caroline's leave ran out and she had to return to Sulgrave. Kate was relieved to be alone in the house for the first time since she came home from the hospital. As she made her way toward the shower that first morning, she realised how bone tired she was despite having slept more the past few weeks than she could ever remember. She knew it was from her growing depression and willed herself to snap out of it but she just couldn't seem to find a way to the surface. While her inability to carry a baby to term left her emotionally scarred in the past, this time it was worse because she now had a permanent physical scar, a death certificate, and the memory of seeing the little casket to remind her of her fifth failure.

Trying to momentarily shake her grief, she stepped into the shower shortly after Caroline left for work. Despite the difficulty of keeping her cast dry and the care she had to take with her aging scar from the c-section, showers gave her comfort and helped her wash away her emotions. Goosebumps rose up on her skin despite the warm water flowing over her. She hadn't been able to get warm since she returned to Conway Drive. She knew it was because the baby weight was rapidly falling off her frame, despite Caroline doting on her incessantly with unwanted comfort food at every turn.

Back in heels for the first time since the funeral, Caroline steered the Jeep into her parking space and smiled up at the school as she closed her car door. Her school. The one place where her days made sense and she knew she made a positive difference to those in her charge. She bounded up the steps with a confidence she hadn't felt for a long time.

While Caroline was secretly relieved to have an escape, her anticipation of returning to something more normal was short-lived that first day back when she noted the heaviness in the greeting from some of the staff. Originally, she wished Kate could return to work with her but was relieved Kate wasn't exposed to the staff walking on eggshells.

Eventually, a few brave souls asked how Kate was faring. By the end of the first week, Caroline found she was resenting that no one other than Beverley asked how she was coping with the loss. She knew it was her own fault no one knew she felt as strong a connection to the baby as she had with her own pregnancies. As much as she wanted to scream at the moon about her loss, she just kept those feelings to herself to not take attention away from Kate.

Caroline was frustrated that she didn't know how to properly reach Kate through what appeared to be a growing distance, a distance that felt wider to her since returning to work. At home, when Caroline wasn't busy fussing over Kate, she watched. She watched Kate for signs to tell her what she might need and it seemed no matter what she did she was inept at reaching Kate who was hyper aware of being under the microscope. This in turn made Kate feel claustrophobic. The more Caroline smothered her, the more stoic and distant Kate became; she seemed to shrivel up into herself a little more each day.

By the time Caroline returned to Sulgrave, Kate was regularly shying away from most physical contact with her wife. With Caroline's first work week ending, Kate felt less suffocated and for the first time in weeks she allowed Caroline to be the big spoon as they fell asleep that Friday night. The daily dose of alone time gave her an appreciation for Caroline's care of her and helped her understand she needed to be careful not to push Caroline too far away; Caroline was grateful for any crumb of contact Kate allowed as she needed comfort but was afraid to let her needs be known.

Life on Conway Drive wasn't just quiet. It was subdued. Lawrence was conspicuously absent on non-school nights, leaving the ladies to their own devices. Without being told, he knew to not rock any boats and was on his best behaviour for a change. Equally scarce were Celia and Alan, much to Caroline's relief as she noted Kate seemed to hide in the master bedroom even more when Celia was about.

On her way home from dropping Lawrence off at Angus' just after lunch on Saturday, she suddenly heard the loud siren of a rapidly approaching ambulance behind her; she instantly pulled over to make room for it to pass. Its flashing lights caught her eyes and she watched until it rounded the corner and was out of sight. Unexpectedly, she found herself trembling and overcome with emotion at the realization that not long ago Kate had such a ride. Grateful Kate survived the accident, Caroline said a little prayer for its passenger and his loved ones to be just as lucky. When her heart stopped pounding, she put on her signal to merge back into traffic, anxious to get home to Kate who headed upstairs for a nap as she was leaving with Lawrence.

She pulled into the drive, surprised to find the Buttershaws unloading groceries from the boot of their car. "I wasn't expecting you back today," Caroline said in greeting as she closed the Jeep door and tried to muster enough energy to give them a warm welcome while hiding her disappointment that they returned from Halifax a day ahead of schedule.

"You look dreadful," Celia said in greeting as she moved to embrace her daughter. She could tell Caroline was stressed and was concerned she had dropped some weight. "How have things been here?"

"About how you'd expect," came the curt reply. She knew Celia would want a proper chat but Caroline didn't have the interest or the energy; she was preoccupied with joining Kate for a nap. Even if Kate wouldn't talk or touch her, at least she could be physically close to her in bed.

"Are you alright?" Celia continued, not reading the cues that Caroline was heading toward her door to escape inside. "I think I'm more worried about you now than ever."

"I'm fine. I'm just focused on Kate," Caroline said, wishing Alan would return to the boot for another load of groceries and save her; she felt an unwanted conversation coming on and was instantly kicking herself for taking the bait.

"I overheard some women at the grocer's just now. Seems I was right, people are unhappy about your relationship," Celia said with an obvious degree of self-satisfaction. "It sounded like there is a move afoot to push you out."

"I got wind of it a couple of days ago but the law protects us so nothing will come from it if I chose to fight it," Caroline responded as her cheeks grew redder than usual and her voice deepened from her anger at having to discuss it with Celia. "Don't worry about it and whatever you do, don't tell Kate; she doesn't need any more stress."

"I'm only worried as any mother would be. You've worked too hard to throw it all away," Celia volleyed back but thought quickly enough to swallow the rest of her words. But it didn't matter, because Caroline knew what Celia wanted to say.

"Let's not do this because you'll only come out on the short end if you continue," Caroline cautioned loudly enough to stop her mother from speaking further. "You don't get it. I'd trade all I have for Kate. I can't be without her again because," she said with her words trailing off, her hands balling into fists due to the anger overtaking her as she thought about how she didn't have the energy to tread the same ground with Celia again. She'd hoped that after they wed, Celia would see the futility of such tactics, but nothing had really changed and she understood that the only thing that could really change was her reaction to her mum.

Celia unashamedly continued, "At least you're well out of having to raise her baby."

"I'm devastated. That was our baby and I loved her as much as I love Kate and I want another baby with her. What I don't want is to ever discuss this subject with you again." Caroline turned on her heel and headed up the stairs to the front door without waiting to see how her words affected her mother.

Undaunted, Celia called out to her daughter, "I thought you only married her because of the baby. You'll lose everything if you keep this up. This isn't you."

From the top step, Caroline spun around and faced off with her, forcefully spitting her response down at her. "I was trying to tell you we were marrying in a way that I thought you would accept. I knew if I'd told you I love her more deeply than I ever thought it possible to love someone you would have laughed it off and insulted me like you're doing now. I gave up any hope you'd ever really get it when you refused to come to our wedding," she fumed.

Slowly walking back down the steps to look Celia squarely in her eyes, she continued, "Listen very carefully, because I'm going to say this for the last time. If you can't be supportive you and Alan should go buy a little bungalow and we'll buy you out even if we have to sell up to do so."

Celia stood motionless as Caroline angrily ascended the steps and slammed the front door without looking back at her.

Caroline kicked her shoes off in the foyer and tried to calm her emotions as she quietly headed to their bedroom. Kate was facing the open window and had her back to door; Caroline assumed she was asleep. Feeling the need to wash off her argument with Celia, Caroline took a quick shower. Wearing just an oversized t-shirt that had been on a hook in the bathroom, she gracefully slid under the covers in an attempt to not wake her wife; she faced the door to help resist the urge to touch Kate. Seconds later, Kate rolled over and spooned into her, kissing the back of her neck.

Thrilled by the contact, Caroline rolled over to face Kate and instantly realised she'd been crying. Not wanting to ask why, Caroline wordlessly wiped away the salty trail of her tears; the sight of Kate pushed all remaining anger at Celia out of her consciousness as she focused on comforting her. Instead of speaking, Kate moved closer to her wife and pulled her into a fierce embrace that culminated in a heart-stopping kiss that confused the love-starved woman.

"God I've missed you," Caroline confessed as the kiss ended, grateful for the contact.

"I've missed you too," Kate said. "I'm sorry I've been so lost." Caroline merely responded with another kiss, this one more passionate than the last. Suddenly there was no further need to talk as their passions resurfaced.

Connecting physically for the first time since Kate's surgery, Caroline was cognizant of Kate's remaining injuries and was gentle and reverent in her touch; taking her cues from Kate, afraid of a misstep.

Hearing Caroline defend their relationship reminded Kate how deeply she loved her wife. Overcome with desire, Kate felt as anxious as she did the first time they made love and quickly left Caroline without any doubt of her desires. She didn't feel very agile thanks to her cast but she made up for it with creativity. They looked deeply into each other's eyes as they climaxed together over and over before sleep finally claimed them. Eventually waking to find they were still in each other's arms, they both felt more alive and sure of their commitment than they had in weeks.

Glad to be properly holding Kate once again, Caroline wondered to herself if it was the absence of lovemaking since their wedding night that made their connection that afternoon so poignant. She was desperate to continue the intimate contact after weeks of nothing more than platonic exchanges but to her disappointment, Kate sat up and looked down at her with the most inscrutable expression.

"You okay," Caroline asked, concerned that maybe it was all too soon for Kate and she had misread the cues.

"More than okay, my love," Kate began as tears started to form again in her eyes. "I heard you with Celia before."

"I'm sorry you heard her." She shifted nervously as she recalled the awful exchange with her mum the night Kate met Celia.

"Did you really mean it?" Kate bit her lip, worried Caroline might resent the question.

"Every word of it," Caroline said, relieved to see a smile on Kate's face; it transmitted that she finally got something right and explained the reason behind the sudden difference in Kate that afternoon. Kate lay back down beside her and shifted so part of her bare chest rested on top of Caroline's. Contentment overtook them as they cuddled together and finally talked in earnest. Until now, neither had broached the subject of another baby; it was too soon in the healing process and the loss was still too raw. Unwittingly, Celia helped them not just find their way back into each other's arms but also find their words again.


	3. Chapter 3--Someday

Celia nervously tapped on the front door and tried to peer in the window to see if anyone was moving about; somehow she managed to catch her daughter's eye. It had been about a fortnight since they last spoke; she had been hiding out at the farm waiting for her daughter's temper to calm down in the hopes their fight would just blow over. It was the longest they'd ever gone without talking after a fight and their disconnect was killing her. Celia tried her best to heed Gillian's advice to give the ladies some space, but when she couldn't take Caroline's silence anymore, she screwed up the courage to return to Conway Drive to seek her out instead.

Caroline was in the kitchen, clearing away Lawrence's cereal bowl when she heard the knock. "Let her in," she instructed as she braced herself; he had just left the kitchen and she was sure he was still in the hallway. She shot Kate a desperate look, not wanting to say anything in case her mother could hear, but Kate understood what was going through her wife's mind and decided to stay put at the counter rather than flee to safety in another room.

"Hi Granny," Lawrence, who was still clad in his night clothes and had yet to brush his hair or teeth, said in greeting as he continued up to his room. He knew nothing about their confrontation. In actuality, he knew very little about any thing going on around him on Conway but he had noticed Kate was spending more time downstairs and his mum seemed less tense. Occasionally, when they didn't realize he was about, he overheard them talking about the baby, but Kate no longer seemed on the verge of tears every time he looked at her.

Celia saw Kate first upon entering the kitchen and was instantly disappointed to not have her daughter to herself. With a false bravado, she began, "I haven't seen either of you in awhile so I thought I'd check in to see how you are."

Kate spoke first. "We're fine. How have you and Alan been?"

Before Celia could respond, Caroline decided to take control of the conversation. "You've saved me a phone call. You should know Kate and I are taking a belated honeymoon. We're leaving tomorrow for Spain. Lawrence is going to shuffle between John's and Angus' while we're gone. You needn't do anything as John's taking the cat."

Raising her coffee cup to take her last sip, Kate used it to hide her uncontainable smirk. She knew her wife well enough to know that each word was measured for maximum impact; calling it a honeymoon instead of just a trip was her way of reminding her mum they are married and the primary reason for the trip. She also knew that when Caroline traveled Celia delighted in being in charge of the kids and the house; she assumed the statement that Celia wasn't needed this time might fall like a body blow.

"How can you get away during term?" Celia leveled at her daughter, finally risking eye contact with her, and trying to ignore how Caroline was leaning her chest into Kate's back and draping her arms around her; Caroline was enjoying the new-found freedom of living their lives out loud while Kate enjoyed the feeling of being validated by her wife.

"I have so much accrued vacation time it's not an issue, " Caroline flatly replied. Not ready to discuss her work situation with her, she further deflected the topic by adding, "Besides, we deserve a proper honeymoon." She kissed Kate's left cheek for good measure as Kate raised her hand to stroke Caroline's warm cheek as a reward. Celia tried to swallow her discomfort at the sight of them.

In the days following that Saturday confrontation with Celia, Kate and Caroline spent quite a bit of time deciding the best way forward given the groundswell against Caroline at Sulgrave. It was easier for them to focus on that situation than tackle whether to try for another baby, as their loss was still too raw.

Fortunately, Beverley got wind of the coup some of the more tight-assed parents were planning with the backing of the Bursar. She warned Caroline who was always suspicious about his bookkeeping and motives. All they knew was that about two dozen of them approached some of the more conservative members of the Board of Governors and threatened to pull their kids out of the school if Caroline were to remain as the Head Teacher. Fearing a downturn in enrollment would be detrimental to the school's standing and coffers, the Board decided to ask Caroline to take a sabbatical while they decided what to do about the situation. No one appeared to be going after Kate yet, but the newlyweds assumed it was just a matter of time before the parents tried to push her out as well.

While Caroline was not interested in staying at a school where she was not fully respected, she was afraid that if she told Kate she just wanted to move on her wife would think she was trying to hide their relationship again; that was far from the truth as she was just exhausted from all they'd been through the last year and she wanted a fresh start somewhere else. Eventually, Kate shared that she didn't want to return to Sulgrave to teach. As much as Kate loved the staff and the students, she too wanted a new beginning where no one knew of her struggle to have a baby or the on again/off again nature of her relationship with Caroline. Both breathed easier when they realized they were on the same page for a change.

Caroline called a headhunter who checked in with her from time to time. With the assurance she would have no trouble finding another headship in the public sector, particularly if she was willing to relocate, she and Kate decided it was a win-win to leave Sulgrave: a new beginning for them, money to fund a move, and an easy way to put some distance between themselves and Celia.

Just a few days prior to Celia knocking on their door, Caroline had a no holds barred discussion with Gavin when he darkened her door unannounced to suggest a sabbatical. He hadn't anticipated that Caroline was prepared for him. After she educated him about some of the finer points of the discrimination laws, their meeting ended with her terse suggestion that he go back to the Board of Governors to prepare a healthy settlement offer for both her and Kate to avoid a costly, protracted, and potentially very public legal battle.

Although Caroline maintained an even and measured tone during the meeting, Gavin's ears were ringing by the time it ended. He had always respected Caroline and hated to have the conversation with her in the first place, but as Chairman of the Board, his hands were tied. From her vantage point, Caroline knew Gavin was merely the messenger and chopping him off at the knees would not serve her well. Most importantly, given Kate's desire to have a real do-over, she knew she had nothing to lose.

As spineless as ever, Gavin hadn't banked on Caroline being prepared for him; he was actually looking forward to their exchange, thinking she might enjoy the free time to be with Kate who was on an extended leave. He left her office in desperate need of an extra-strength antacid and a double whiskey to wash it down. He was kicking himself for not checking with the school's solicitors before caving into the small-minded group of wealthy parents he feared.

The more he drank, the more a sense of panic over took Gavin. With a shaky hand, he threw back a couple of whiskeys at his local, trying to find a way to erase the issue altogether. Acknowledging Caroline seemed so resolved, all he could do was hope Caroline, who kept a very tight reign on the Bursar, still had some compassion and wouldn't want to see Sulgrave left in financial ruins by demanding a completely unreasonable settlement. The school was in the red when she took over and had been solidly in the black the last few years, thanks solely to her initiatives. He knew that Caroline never trusted the Bursar and was suddenly concerned that without her eagle-eye watching over him, the school would be back in the red in no time. He thought about his own cowardice in not calling out the Bursar's motives as he threw back the last of his drink and ordered a third.

Celia had no clue that the honeymoon she was just hearing about was meant to give the powers that be at Sulgrave a chance to digest their precarious legal situation and come up with a settlement. Realizing she wasn't offered a seat or a drink, Celia moved to stand at the counter across from Kate in the hopes she could wring some information from her. "Have you ever been to Spain?"

"Back when I was in my gap year," Kate began as Caroline moved to stand beside her in an attempt to curtail the exchange with Celia. Caroline knew how subtle Celia could be when trying to get information and intended to cut her off.

"We were about to get ready to head out to do some shopping for our trip. We'll be back in a week and perhaps we can chat then," Caroline said as Kate took her cue and picked up her cell phone. Caroline wordlessly placed their cups in the sink while Kate stood up, without making further eye contact with Celia and wiped the crumbs off the counter where she'd been sitting; she was enjoying the freedom of no longer having a cast on her arm and no longer seeing a face in her mirror that looked like it had been in the wars; despite the emptiness of being childless, she was feeling a little more like herself everyday.

"I know when I'm not wanted," Celia lobbed at Caroline as she tried to hold back a sniffle; she wasn't going to give her daughter the satisfaction of seeing she was hurting. When no response was forth coming, she turned and made her way to the door with Caroline and Kate silently following close behind. For good measure, as she grasped the door handle, she added, "Have a good trip."

Intent on getting the last word as she was closing the door behind her mum, Caroline gave a stone-faced reply. "See you in about a week. We'll talk then about the timing of selling the house."

Celia couldn't help but think about the cool edge to her daughter's voice as she shuffled back to Alan, who she found hiding behind the pretense of reading the Guardian.


	4. Chapter 4--Street Corner Symphony

"To us," Caroline said as she raised her wine glass as soon as their server went to place their order. There was something about drinking before noon that seemed sinful, but they were on vacation. She had been dreaming of paella and their concierge steered them to this café overlooking the Mediterranean. As a feeling of complete happiness overtook her, Caroline appreciated his suggestion that they go for lunch rather than dinner.

"To us," Kate replied, noticing the colourful shadow from her wine glass dance on the pristine white plate in front of her as she picked up her glass. Kate loved dining outside and was pleased the weather was cooperating. As she reached for a roll, the dreamy expression on her wife's face registered with her. "Penny for your thoughts."

"Hmmm. I was just thinking how this is all I wanted it to be. I'm sitting here, in the Spanish sunshine, drinking a perfectly chilled glass of rose, waiting for my paella to arrive, listening to the waves coming to shore, with my beautiful wife to make the experience that much more special. If I hadn't already faced off with Gavin, I might have been inclined to text him my resignation and never return to England."

"I'm glad to see you so relaxed about it all." Kate slipped off her shoe and played footsie with Caroline to underscore her appreciation; she loved this new brave side to Caroline.

"I know the next few months will bring a lot of upheaval but as long as we make all our decisions together we'll manage," Caroline promised. When the waiter returned with their meal and topped off their drinks, their conversation reverted back to the present as they leisurely savoured the flavours and sights in front of them until neither could eat another bite.

Caroline had to keep her tongue from hanging out of her mouth as she watched Kate deliberately swaying her hips for her benefit as she headed to the ladies' room. Her desire for Kate flared up inside and her hands could almost touch the soft curves her eyes caressed. She swallowed hard and blinked herself back into daylight. Seeing this playful side of Kate returning was a huge relief. It seemed that Kate was becoming a little more like her old self each day since their honeymoon began, enabling Caroline to let go of some of the stress that had accumulated over the last six months.

While waiting for her to return, Caroline decided to have a quick scroll through the photos on her mobile of their trip so far. Seeing her wife, clear-eyed and smiling lovingly at her in each photo, made her thankful they had made time to take a honeymoon; it was an important ritual she wouldn't have wanted to miss, and Barcelona was an easy choice since she always felt bad about not going with Kate in the early days of their relationship.

Kate glanced at her watch as she returned to their table. "We'd better get the bill and get a move on."

"I'd suggest we head back to the hotel for a little siesta but I've always wanted to see The Basilica of the Segrada Familia," Caroline responded as she too checked her watch. They had timed tickets for entry and would be late if they didn't leave straight away. "I didn't realize it was so late. You go hail a cab while I pay."

They were dropped off at the cathedral with plenty of time to spare so they decided to walk around the monolithic structure that encompassed an entire city block to get a measure of it's size before joining the line to enter. Both were struck by all the textures and sculptures that covered its outer walls, and took turns pointing out things to each other that they found entrancing.

"I've seen pictures, but they just don't do justice to the scale of this place," Caroline began as the line failed to move. She was mesmerized by the exterior design, parts of which reminded her a dripped sand castle. Kate was too busy watching the pigeons flying around, temporarily landing on the head of one sculpture on its facade only to fly to another feature, leaving bird dirt in their wake, to consider the overall structure.

Once inside, the high ceilings made them instantly feel small and insignificant. After a few minutes drinking in the emotions the cathedral inspired even in the most atheistic of tourists, they turned on their guided tour devices so as not to miss any of its highlights.

Kate wandered around, caught up in its romance, completely absorbed by the designs and concepts revealed in the artworks whereas Caroline was impressed by the level of detail and calculated the physics that went into its design and build; she marveled at the thought that back in the early 1900s when construction began the primary mode of transporting supplies to its location would have been horse drawn carriage. Despite a keen awareness that what began as a tribute to God could only be completed all these decades later with tourist dollars, Caroline too allowed herself to be swept up into the magnificence of it all.

Unable to do anything but look up as she walked, it eventually dawned on Kate that all the angels on the columns looked child-like, something she internalized, not ready to think about her babies just then.

Seeing all the depictions of Mary, Joseph and Jesus made Caroline suddenly understand why it was named Segrada Familia. She hadn't focused on the name before, the Holy Family. Instantly she was reminded of how important her boys were to her and why people might spend generations celebrating that by building the extraordinary towers designed by Gaudi.

When their recorded tour finished, they took the elevator up one of the towers. It deposited them at the top and they walked across a little bridge to another tower and began the slow descent down a narrow, winding staircase that reminded them of a nautilus. They occasionally paused to look out some of the windows they passed which afforded them a closer view of the outside structure of the cathedral than they had at street level.

By the time they made it back down to the main floor, Caroline, who wasn't a fan of tight places or heights, was feeling a little woozy from the descent and suggested they sit in the section that was roped off for people to sit quietly and contemplate, pray or just take in more of the scenery.

Kate found the whole experience of sitting under the four pillars representing the first four chapters of the New Testament more moving than she expected. The stained glass windows nearby had a holy glow as though beams of sunshine reaching down from Heaven above lighted them up just for her. Feeling the overwhelming presence of God in this place, Kate began to cry uncontrollably as she silently said a prayer for each of her babies.

From the seat beside her, Caroline glanced over at her with a tender concerned look as she reached into her purse to give her some clean tissues. She knew instantly that Kate was thinking of her babies, as she too couldn't think of anything other than their lost child from the second she spied the baby in the manger outside.

Caroline sat, supporting Kate with her own silent tears, giving her the time and privacy to work through her emotions; in truth, she was relieved to see Kate confronting her emotions rather than running away from them. Their lack of talking much about the baby the last few weeks concerned her but Kate seemed more interested in talking about their work situation and Caroline followed her lead in order to give her wife the mental space she seemed to need. By the time both were out of tears and tissues, Caroline finally stood and held out her hand for Kate to take and lead her out the exit and back into the bright sunlight.

They were both too emotional to want to ride back to the hotel in a cab so they decided to walk a few blocks and look for a place to regroup. An outdoor bar advertising gin and tonics caught their attention, the variety of flavoured tonics offering fresh possibilities. As they settled in with their first drink, Caroline began, "You seem surprisingly okay. Want to talk about it?"

Kate took a sip but didn't readily discern the orange and rosemary flavors that were supposed to be in her tonic. "It was just…the babies. I suddenly had this feeling that they are all fine. I still don't understand why I had to lose them all but I feel more at peace somehow." Kate moved slowly in her seat, as if something was shifting inside her. "I think I can let some of that emptiness go now. It's hard to explain."

Hot tears came to Caroline's eyes as she listened. She knew Kate had been struggling to understand why her body kept letting her down a little more with each pregnancy, but this last one was the biggest disappointment; the most cruel of them all. She leaned forward and placed her hand on Kate's thigh, stroking the skin through the light dress with her thumb. She swallowed quietly. All she could manage was a simple, "I'm glad."

"Part of me thought that losing the babies, especially this last one, might have been some punishment from God, but I got the sense that it wasn't. It wasn't my fault." Just saying those words out loud filled her with even more relief. Kate took a long sip and suddenly noticed the warm orange and herbal notes in her drink, the taste somehow richer than it was before. It was as if she could once again see the world in more complex shades and textures too. She took another sip before setting the glass down.

"Oh Kate," Caroline said as she reached out to take Kate's now free hand. Pressing it with both her hands, transmitting her warmth to it, she continued, "I love you." Her soft tone conveying some of the depth of love she had for this grief-stricken woman, glad to see her burden lightened, even if only temporarily.

"And I love you." The corners of Kate's mouth lifted in a brief smile. She brought her other hand to cover one of Caroline's and began tracing the veins in it to signal her connectedness to her wife at that moment.

"I told you, I support whatever you want to do. Clinic, adoption, or table it. It's your call. I just want to make you happy and not see you go through anymore pain if…" Caroline stopped, agony flashing across her face, the idea of watching the woman she loved in so much pain completely gutting her. She breathed in deeply and removed her hand to take a sip of her drink as Kate did the same. They knitted the fingers of their right hands together, neither caring nor noticing if anyone was watching.

"I know you do. And I appreciate your willingness to try again. But as we sat there, I just felt that I don't need a baby to complete me anymore. I still would love to be a mum but I won't let being childless define me anymore. Does that make sense?" Kate had been slumped against the back of her chair up to that point. She sat upright and leaned onto the table, not breaking eye contact with her wife as she did so. "It may sound corny, but I think I made peace with God about it all. If it's his plan that I won't have a child of my own, so be it." A sly grin blossomed on her face. "Besides, I suspect Celia will be in nappies before too long so..."

Caroline was taking a sip at that precise moment and almost choked on it. "Oh God! Can you imagine? That's just one more reason why we need a place of our own when we move." It was the first time Kate had made a joke about any of it and Caroline took it as a sign that maybe she really was beginning to heal. Kate took a self-satisfied sip as she smiled at the reminder that Caroline was serious about them moving to a place that would not just be both of theirs, but one without the in-laws in it.


	5. Chapter 5--Little Wonders

It had been a stressful few months renovating and moving to their new digs, a tired old farmhouse closer to Halifax than Harrogate. Although it needed a lot of work, it was ideal because of the one thing it did not have: a granny flat.

In an effort to fully remove all the reminders of John and Richard, and to some extent the shadow of Celia, from their lives, Kate eventually persuaded Caroline to furnish their house with entirely new furniture, except for Kate's piano, which was a gift from her father, Caroline's full-length antique mirror, which was a keepsake from her paternal grandmother, and Lawrence's bedroom suite. She argued that since they did not have all the expenses that come with a newborn, they could afford to find their own style together as a couple. Caroline was initially hesitant about the expense, but one of Kate's most persuasive arguments for buying furniture was the possibility of 'christening' each and every new item. The arrival of each new piece of furniture further cemented their resolve for a fresh new start.

Caroline found she actually enjoyed shopping for big-ticket items with her wife. Kate's elegant sense of style and keen eye complimented her own. Shopping with her first spouse was like shopping with a child as he was constantly distracted by shiny objects and the allure of freshly baked soft pretzels in the food court; she wished she'd read the signs and realized one day he'd be distracted just as easily by another woman and thrown in the towel earlier. As they shopped, she took comfort in the knowledge that this time she'd married a real grown up.

They had liked the challenge of renovating the old farmhouse when the real estate agent initially showed it to them and had decided to buy it if Caroline was offered the position at Crow Wood Park. Caroline was convinced the hardest part of moving would be selling the house on Conway since it failed to sell the first time she listed it. To her surprise, a buyer offered list price the first week it was on the market. It seemed everything was falling into place and she figured it was because this time she really wanted it to sell.

It wasn't until her fourth and final interview that someone asked Caroline if there was any staff she thought they could poach from Sulgrave. She suggested her wife. The opportunity for Kate to teach languages at Caroline's new school scuttled their plan to have Kate take some time off from teaching to oversee all the renovations but she jumped at the chance as a show of solidarity for Caroline agreeing to take on such a tough student body. However, their timeline for completing the renovations and moving became compressed and their equanimity was a temporary casualty of their rogue decision.

For a while things were tense between Gillian and Robbie because neither wanted Celia unendingly underfoot. Robbie didn't mind Alan's presence but Celia was a right moody cow since her fight with Caroline and it took all his self-control to be civil to her some days. To make matters worse, Robbie missed the alone time he and Gillian enjoyed when the Buttershaws had been in Harrogate.

Robbie and Gillian had hoped Caroline would relent, but they knew better than to interfere. Robbie desperately wanted to retire but if Celia was going to be there 24/7 he decided put it off as long as he could. For Gillian, knowing she was not ready for Robbie to retire and be under her feet all day, postponing his retirement was the only bonus to be had from Celia inflicting her permanent presence upon them at the farm.

The best part of the flurry of activity before autumn term was that Caroline and Kate had little time to see the extended family, leaving Gillian to help Celia and Alan settle in full-time at her farm. Caroline suspected that Celia believed her daughter would relent at the last minute and invite her and Alan to move with them. To Celia's chagrin, it didn't happen and Celia's gamble ran the Buttershaws out of time to find their own place.

Kate also had a gamble with Caroline about whether Celia and Alan would find their own place. Since the newlyweds only ever bet sexy things, they both were winners no matter who actually won the bet. Just about anything became fair game to be bet upon and it developed into yet another form of foreplay. Somehow betting on Celia's actions in this manner seemed deliciously wicked and Caroline was gleefully looking forward to Kate 'paying up'.

* * *

With the renovations finally complete, for the first time in months, they woke in their own home without the threat of a worker arriving at any minute. They were now fully moved in and ready to establish new routines. Caroline found adjusting to living in the country instead of in a bustling urban area especially enjoyable and hadn't felt this relaxed in years. She just wished every morning could have a lazy start like this one.

"What are you looking at?" Kate inquired of her wife who was gazing out the window over the sink. Whatever had her attention had her so mesmerized she did not acknowledge Kate had entered the kitchen.

"There's a lone bunny out there. I'm having a staring contest with it. It's watching me watching it," Caroline responded without taking her eyes off it. "I don't recall ever seeing a bunny on Conway. There are usually two of them but not today." Caroline was constantly making mental notes of how serene she found their new life; she couldn't quite believe the twists and turns of fate that had led her to this feeling of serenity.

When she finally turned around she was instantly rewarded with the sight of Kate in a black leotard with matching tights. Hair pulled back into an unruly bun, Kate looked like sex on two legs despite the sweater tied around her hips to cover her derriere. Long gone were all the soft curves from her pregnancy, which Caroline enjoyed just as much as this sleeker look. Kate moved to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. "I'll be back in about two hours."

"Go practice your plies and jetes and may be later I can help you with your arabesques," Caroline teased.

Knowing all the chaos from the move was coming to an end, Kate had been looking for a new challenge when she read about a beginners' ballet class for adults at the local arts school. She had studied ballet until she developed mononucleosis from wearing herself out from her schoolwork, music lessons, and extra-long thrice a week rehearsals for a holiday dance performance at the age of thirteen. Her parents insisted she stop the dance classes to give her body a rest; when she was feeling better she didn't restart because someone else had been given her starring role in the Nutcracker. She hadn't thought about her love of ballet until she saw the class advertised. Caroline noticed Kate's excitement when she first mentioned it and was grateful she didn't try to persuade her to take the class too.

Briefly looking out the window at the rabbit, Kate inquired, "Have you seen that fox in the yard again?" She had all the nervous excitement of a child on her first day of school; she was worried she might make a fool of herself but was equally pleased to be back in ballet slippers for the first time in about three decades. Seeing Caroline was distractedly looking out the window once again she picked up her keys and headed to the door. "I just hope it didn't get the missing mate."

"I hadn't thought about that. Guess my poor rabbit has more to worry about than old Mr. McGregor," she said as she set her coffee cup down on the table to free her hands and followed Kate out to her car in a show of support as she knew Kate was a tad nervous. Sensing their movement, the equally nervous bunny scurried off the driveway and into the grass that was still wet with the remnants of the morning dew.

"Want me to stop at the market on my way back? Need some carrots for your little friend," Kate teased, opening the passenger door to dump her bag on the seat.

"We've got that thing this aft so maybe come straight back," she responded as she opened the driver's door for Kate. "Have fun. You'll be great." With only a quick kiss goodbye for a response, Kate closed her door and drove off, her mood suddenly a little deflated at thought of their afternoon.

With a final glance at the rabbit now in the distance, Caroline made her way back into the house, her mind already building survival strategies to deal with the party later in the day. She had enjoyed watching Gillian with Calamity until Kate lost the baby, then it was a reminder of what they would be missing out on together. She knew the family dinners with Calamity bothered Kate too because she was usually quieter than usual afterward. She was particularly concerned about how Kate would be after Calamity's first birthday party but there was no way they could avoid attending. Closing the door behind her, she poured herself another cup of coffee and went in search of a roll of gift-wrapping paper.

The party passed quickly enough. Shortly after Calamity had covered herself with the tiny cake baked specifically for that purpose, they made their excuses, climbed into the Jeep and headed home. With all they had on with the move and starting their new jobs, neither brought up the topic of having a child together. Kate's reticence on the subject worried Caroline. As Caroline surreptitiously watched her out of the corner of her eye, she wondered if the party was the impetus Kate needed to finally be ready to talk about it, especially now that their renovations were complete. "You're awfully quiet. Everything okay?"

"Tired. Just tired," Kate replied with a clear sound of resignation in her voice. "Think I'll take some paracetamol when we get in." Massaging her legs brusquely with her palms, she groaned, "Think I'm going to be sore tomorrow from class."

"What did my mother have to say? I saw her talking with you for what seemed like quite a long while." Caroline put her indicator on and turned onto their lane.

"Remind me to thank you later for not coming to my rescue," Kate teased as she tried to stifle a yawn that came out of nowhere. Kid-centric parties had been hard for her since her first miscarriage. Each and every birthday party and baby shower was a reminder of her childless status. As much as she dreaded today's gathering, she was relieved it felt more like a family brunch than anything else and she managed to escape it fairly unscathed.

"You looked like you were holding your own." Caroline was relieved to see her bunny and its mate frolicking together near the house.

"I noticed you managed to avoid her pretty well," Kate, understanding Caroline's continued need for some distance from her mum, said flatly. "Mostly she was just telling me about a play she has an audition for. She remembered I had helped with some of the productions at Sulgrave and wanted acting tips."

"Really? So she needed something and that's why she seemed so friendly to you. Some things just never change, do they?" Caroline parked the Jeep beside Kate's car and turned to look at her wife. "You're a saint for being so patient with her."

"It was fine. Actually, watching her play great-grandmother today was interesting. She clearly loves Calamity. It gave me a glimpse of what she must have been like with the boys."

"Ha," Caroline scoffed. Sighing, she explained, "She was good to them, but sometimes when I said 'no' to something, they would go to her and she would give in behind my back, particularly with Lawrence. William never really tried to get around me like that. I think on some level it was her way of making me feel guilty for being a working mum."

Kate noticed how matter of fact Caroline sounded as she imparted this memory. It hadn't struck her until their wedding day that Celia would ever undermine Caroline where her sons were concerned. Sadly, this tidbit was now very believable. "Come on, I think I hear some gin and tonics calling our names," Kate proffered to change the subject. She was ready to put her toes up, snuggle with her wife, and properly shake off the events of the afternoon.

"I was thinking maybe I could finally collect on that bet you owe me if you're not too tired," Caroline countered in a suggestive tone, not wanting her bunnies outside to have more fun than her, and recalling the earlier sight of Kate dressed for her dance class.

As soon as they were inside the door, Kate wordlessly untucked her blouse and began to seductively unbutton its buttons. Caroline dropped her purse and keys on the kitchen table and without pausing to make either of them a drink, followed Kate as she slinked down the hallway in the direction of their bedroom, kicking her shoes off and then removing an item of clothing every so many yards, dropping each piece as if she were laying down a breadcrumb trail. As each piece of fabric dropped from her skin, so too did the tensions of her day until she walked with a lightness that exuded from every part of her. When she stepped into their bedroom, she was a single soul waiting for her lover.

Caroline playfully bent over to pick up each piece of clothes, the shivery joy of anticipation making her pulse race and her breath quicken. Immediately inside their bedroom, she dumped the clothes on their new chair, the only piece of furniture in the room they hadn't yet christened, and embraced her now naked wife. She was blessedly oblivious to how her outfit felt against her wife's skin as she ran her hands down Kate's back, cupping her rear-end and pulling her into a tight embrace. Kate moaned as her sensitive nipples made contact with Caroline's rough hewn top. Their kisses quickly became deeper and more heated, until Kate shifted back a little and began to slowly divest Caroline of her outfit, one piece of fabric at a time until Caroline was weak with desire and Kate could revel in the constant shifting balance of power between them. Once her wife was equally naked, it was her turn to snake her hands down Caroline's backside, pulling her closer as she did.

The late afternoon sun streamed in the window providing enough natural light for them to be able to really see the commitment in each other's eyes. Their serendipitous proximity to the full-length mirror gave them both a glorious view of themselves. The sight of their profile and contrast of their skin tones excited them and served to heighten the passion of their connection. Had Caroline not felt so weak in the knees at the sight of her wife, she might have taken her while standing in front of the mirror. Perhaps she would bet that next time.

"You are so beautiful," Caroline began as she led Kate to the chair instead of the bed. She swiftly swept the clothes onto the floor so she could sit, pulling Kate towards her. Her heart was pounding and her lips tingled from their bruising kisses in front of the mirror, her mind whirling with the possibilities to come. Kate straddled her, knowing her cleavage would be within easy reach of her wife's lips, right where she wanted it. When they eventually took their play to the bed, they agreed the purchase of that chair was inspired and they were glad they paid extra to scotch-guard it.

When at last they slept, their tangled limbs reflected their entwined souls fully at peace with each other. It was a deep sleep, the kind that only comes from a complete sense of belonging and acceptance. It was a peace like neither had ever experienced in prior relationships and their contentment filled the air surrounding them.

Caroline especially found contentment with the freedom of finally being true to herself, of having not just a house but also a home with Kate. Living without worries about the kids or Celia walking in on them; able to make as much noise as they wished while making love; able to walk about in various states of undress without nosy neighbors to see them provided a newly found freedom. It was like a new version of adulthood that had been previously withheld and one she might never have found without Kate's courage and strength.

While Kate too loved the privacy and freedom of their new life, she especially loved that the house was truly theirs and that nothing in it had a connection to either of their pasts. For the first time, she felt like Caroline's equal, and the confidence that came from knowing Caroline truly loved her as much as she loved Caroline was worth all the struggle to get there.

For Caroline, it was a dreamless sleep. Long gone were the nightmares that followed that awful time when she sat alone at her kitchen counter, throwing back brandy. She couldn't get her head around how cruel the fates had been to rob Kate of motherhood yet again. Going from the happiest day marrying Kate to the saddest day of her life within the span of 24 hours, she thought she too would break.

In the end, they had healed each other. In doing so, they managed to forgive and put all their regrets over their past mistakes well and truly behind them. While they still didn't know what the fates had in store for them next, they knew they were stronger together than apart. And so they slept without fear of the future as both were willing to bet it would be happy.

* * *

Post Script:

This is the final chapter, at least for now. I challenged myself to write a darker tale than I have before and I hope this story didn't disappoint. I am thankful to katieDingo for serving as my Beta and allowing me to bounce ideas off of her for the last few chapters. Thank you, KD. Your deft hand, guidance and support have been invaluable and I'd like to think Caroline and Kate's connection has emerged stronger as a result.

Carpe Diem.


End file.
